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This morning I was cranky and PMS-y and didn’t want to get out of bed. But my roommate thankfully knew what was best for me and all but pushed me out of the house to go to yoga. I drove my lethargic bag o’ bones there, all the while dreading the feeling of not-good-enough-ness that would surely descend upon me when I failed to meet my own yogic standards. But I got lucky today. I was blessed with a yoga teacher who delivered exactly what I was too constricted to realize I needed. She...
There is someone in my life who I would like to forgive. Actually no, that’s not quite accurate. The truth is I don’t want to forgive this person. In fact, every time I consider forgiving this person, I think, “No. No way. I will not forgive you. I do not like you. You hurt me. A lot. You betrayed me. You disappointed me. You made a fool of me. You deserve my wrath. You deserve to never be let off the hook.” But I know that I need to forgive, not for this person’s...
On this holiday weekend of giving thanks, I’ve been thinking a lot about the opposite: blame. Because it’s all your fault, you know. Just kidding. (Sorta.) Maybe it’s all my fault. Wait, that feels especially awful. I liked it better when it was your fault. Michael Brown, author of The Presence Process, says that to blame is to be-lame. I don’t mean the slang definition of the word lame, as in “uncool.” I mean the actual definition, as in disabled, impaired, weak, inadequate. In other words, when you blame someone else for something, you...
“You know I’ll never run you over, even though you know I can.” That’s a line from a song written and performed by my friend Kai. I’ve listened to this song a thousand times. It’s beautiful and brilliant. But when I heard that line this morning, I thought of my ex-boyfriend, who I wrote about in my post Sex, Lies, and Healing Multiple Sclerosis, and I felt awful. Just because you can run someone over, doesn’t mean you should. This blog is how I document my life and how I share it with you,...
50 First Dates. Have you seen the movie? With Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler? Drew plays a woman with short term memory loss, so every night when she goes to sleep, her entire memory of the day is erased. Adam’s character, he comes along and falls in love with her, but the next day when he sees her again and she has no recollection of him, he’s very confused. When he gets hip to her situation, however, he decides that he loves her so much that he’ll just re-introduce himself every day, coming up...
My daughter’s father is in town visiting her this week. Last night I woke up from a recurring nightmare I’ve been having lately and I went downstairs to get some water, where I found him sitting at the kitchen table. So I told him about the dream. It’s been happening consistently since my six-year relationship with my ex-boyfriend officially (like, really really) ended recently. The nightmare is always some version of his moving on with another woman and rejecting me, or doing something that highlights how his priorities have shifted and I no longer...
“Can you imagine how beautiful those you forgive will look to you? In no fantasy have you ever seen anything so lovely…Nothing that you remember that made your heart sing with joy has ever brought you even a little part of the happiness this sight will bring you.” – A Course in Miracles I have been in love with the same man for six years. We have been on and off, engaged and not, speaking every day and speaking not at all, and now, it seems, we are finally over, in the traditional romantic,...
